Dear Dr Jane
I can’t stand the commute into Wellington. We moved out here for a better lifestyle and love everything about the South Wairarapa. But we have a mortgage and I’ve got the type of job that requires me to work in Wellington full-time. Every time I drive to the train station I am filled with dread at another hour squeezed into a small space with the other morning zombies. Is there anything I can do to change my mindset before I physically assault the next person whose elbows take my share of the arm-rest?
Impatient
Dear Impatient
As a fellow commuter I feel your pain (and hope we’re not sitting next to each other if you are reading this). If only Martinborough was a suburb of Wellington, without being in Wellington! If only Metlink provided carriages for individuals! If only the trains would arrive on time (or is that last one just being silly?).
Time for a short lesson on how your brain works. Some years ago, clinicians espoused that you could choose your thinking. The idea was that if your current thinking was causing you distress (e.g., “this commute is driving me bananas”) then you could ‘choose’ a different thought that would cause you less distress (e.g., “this commute is a good time to have a snooze”).
The trouble is that the brain is less under our control than we presume. Thoughts that precede emotion are generally automatically generated, occur in a nano-second and have a pesky habit of returning, no matter how much ‘choosing’ of more positively flavoured thoughts you do.
Instead of perceiving thoughts or emotions as “good” or “bad” clinicians now propose that they are “helpful” or “unhelpful.” For example, a little bit of mild depression can actually be helpful if it prompts you to reflect on your life and make some useful changes. Your automatic thoughts about the annoyance of the commute into Wellington may always be there.
The good news is that there are some systems of our brain that are under conscious control. As adult humans we are able to observe our automatic thoughts and decide if they are helpful or unhelpful and whether or not we wish to ‘attach’ to them or not. Without sounding too judgmental Impatient, I would say your automatic thoughts about the commute are right down the unhelpful end of the continuum.
Practise observing and detaching from the train (pun intended) of thought that focuses on how horrid being squashed next to a stranger is. Concentrate instead on what would be helpful to get you through the hour of discomfort, even if that is having a mantra of ‘this is what I need to do in order to have the lifestyle we have chosen.’ Observe your fellow passengers as they will be a marvellous source of ideas of how to tolerate the journey (e.g., watching TV shows with headphones, social club meetings, relishing a bag of crisps). If that fails, driving over the hill every day for a month may give you a newfound appreciation of public transport.
Recent Comments