I’m Waiting for a Journalist to Tell Me What I Think

BY JOHN ANSELL

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me what I think

And then I’ll know precisely what to wear and when to blink

So I can get the latest word on whose opinions stink

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me what I think

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me how I feel

What virtues I can signal to broaden my appeal

It’s really not important if the news is fake or real

As long as some nice journalist will tell me how I feel

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me what I know

And helpfully point out to me what is or isn’t so

If I don’t toe the party line they’ll tell me where to go, so…

I really need a journalist to tell me what I know!

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me what to say

And what Jacinda’s talking points are going to be today

Cos otherwise my own opinions might get in the way

Thank Allah Cinda’s journalist will tell me what to say!

I’m waiting for a journalist to tell me what to do

The perfect way to do it and who to do it to

And where to buy good blinkers so as not to think it through

Just find myself a journalist — she’ll tell me what to do!

I’m waiting for a journalist to update all my views

On who I’m to believe today and who I’m to abuse

And which reporter’s viewpoint will become the evening news

At six o’clock a journalist will update all my views