TWO SIDES of the COIN:

Looking back over my musings I discovered a column about money – written eighteen months ago! Even with our current minimal inflation rate, that has to be worth something. And money has been much in many of our minds recently with the rather sudden and disturbing news that we are to lose our bank, so right now is a suitable time to revisit the subject.

We tried our darnedest to put our town’s views forward, plenty of loyal and long-time locals created a Big Stink and our town’s disgust went viral. But in the end, to no avail. The Bank’s collective mind was made up – it seemed, for some considerable time beforehand.

But there are two sides to every question – in money terms, two sides of the coin, perhaps. Any important decision affecting people needs lots of thought and not just a coin toss. I’m hopeful it wasn’t decided that way; but the old adage ‘money talks’ no doubt had plenty to do with it, and we wonder if our side of the coin was even considered. Too late now; but here’s a message and a reply … both entirely fictional, of course.

To: the town.

We are leaving you. Divorce is imminent as a result of the irretrievable breakdown of our relationship: our spies have been collecting data and discovered you have decreased your regular custom by a whopping six per cent! Accordingly we can’t afford to keep our house in town in the manner to which we have been accustomed and thus are forced to take ourselves elsewhere. 

We must maintain a level of profit; small though it be at this time.

As a consolation, we are still in the country and you may continue to visit us at your convenience, but right of access will be restricted to small periods of time between journeys. 

However, settlement will also generously include non-personal contact through a small hole in the wall located in full view of the public on one of your busy streets, but no conversation is possible and you must have specially coded identification. 

Of course, as you are all free and able to use modern technology at your leisure, financial transactions can be done electronically, privately and securely. Your local MP has succinctly pointed out that progress is leading the world rapidly towards a cashless society. And he knows what’s right for you.

Goodbye.

The Bank.

Dear Bank,

We are very cross that you have decided to end the relationship with our town. A resident, one of the 94% visiting you recently, read in your ‘What you can expect from your bank’ pamphlet, this: ‘We want a positive relationship with you. By working together, we can help you to have a good banking experience… (We want) to meet the needs of older and disabled customers…We’ll keep the ways you bank with us secure.’ And a headline: ‘We will deal effectively with your concerns and complaints.’ Excellent!

Do you peruse the New Scientist? A recent article says: ‘the dash away from cash … might not be such a good idea. An included graph shows that in the UK in 2026; about 29billion payments will be electronic; but there will still be nine billion using cash.’ No wonder 18 per cent of Britons stash cash under the mattress!

It’s not right you’ll make it difficult for us to manage our money. We have a right to choose how. And it’s our money you are using to make yours. 

Your one-sided decision is too soon. Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,

The Town.