If I was a little bird

By John Ansell

If I was a little bird 
I’d fly and fly and fly; 
I’d fly right up to Heaven 
Like old aunties when they die. 

I’d say gidday to Auntie Ray 
And Auntie Mildred too; 
I’d ask them what they do all day 
And how they like the view. 

Do they lie around in bed 
Just like they did down here? 
Or do they go to parties 
And eat Cheezels and drink beer? 

Does Heaven have its countries 
Like Fiji and Indonesia? 
Do they have a Sunday Times – 
And are the crosswords any easier? 

I’d go and see the pearly gates 
And Peter’s pearly cloisters 
(No wonder poor old Foveaux Strait’s 
Nearly out of oysters).

Then, finally, I’d visit God; 
I’d offer him a deal; 
I’d say: “You give me all your toys 
And I’ll believe you’re real.” 

I’d raid his stocks of Lego blocks 
And minty chocs and Fanta; 
(They say he’ll give you anything – 
Even more than Santa.) 

I’d order up a great big hut 
To keep my big dog Charlie in; 
Yes, God will give you anything – 
As long as you’re not Somalian. 

Written at a time of famine in the Horn of Africa, 1992.