NEWS FROM FIRST CHURCH

Horror: no cream on the Lenten apple pie

By Pam Colenso

Lent, Easter, and those pivotal events celebrated in the annual Church calendar are now behind us.

As new evidence and fresh biblical metaphors surface, this allows the broadminded to view history with a new perspective in ways that can enliven these stories and render the event relevant for today. Often, in a manner that is much less formal and doctrinaire than what was served up half a century ago. 

For instance, your correspondent well remembers Lent in our household as being a notably restrained period with, painfully, a sizeable proportion of our modest pocket money being consigned to the Lent alms collection. And on our meal table, after gruel, we were not allowed cream on our apple pie! (But much less punitive than earlier rituals assigned to Lent, which involved prayer, mortifying the flesh, fasting, and self-denial). 

One doubts whether there is a single New Zealand household that would sign up to such strictures today. Times change.

Never let it be said that the Rugby Club has the monopoly on running a successful sausage sizzle. A couple of Sundays ago, to restore our equilibrium after a challenging sermon, one of our number broke out the bangers and BBQ. 

Not a snarler was spared. In the melee I thought I saw (but could be mistaken) one of our malnourished parishioners using his elbows uncharitably on a fellow worshiper to lay claim on the last sausage. Shame on you!

These culinary occasions, regularly held at First Church, are accompanied by chatter unrelated to the bolder, fanciful yarns you are likely to hear at any Rugby Club fandango. 

At First Church we’re more likely to be debating the pros and cons of David smiting Goliath with his single stone or how the disciples managed to feed the 5,000 with a couple of fish and a few buns. Each to his own.

For those who consider there is better fare than the humble sausage Easter of course is associated with easter eggs in a multitude of shapes, sizes and substances. One piece of guidance needs to be delivered firmly to Cadburys – get rid of those huge eggs which contain not the mandatory and excellent marshmallow interior which connoisseurs expect, but just air – a vacuum of nothingness. Do it out of charity! 

(Cadburys and charity in the same paragraph? Whatever next? Ed.)