Now you see me, now you don’t

Leanne French. www.madltd.co.nz
 
If you are a person who goes straight from the demands of work to the demands of home, and you feel a little frazzled, why not take a detour? Being unavailable from time to time in a relationship is part of good self-care. Imagine throwing on an imaginary invisibility cloak and aiming for a minimum of thirty minutes to yourself, for yourself, because you deserve it.

Rest and replenishment ideas:
 •       Go to a cafe for a quiet tea or coffee and browse through the daily paper or magazines.
•       Visit a library, gallery or place of worship.
•       Walk around the block and admire the gardens or architecture.
•       Stay at work and read a chapter of your book after business hours.
•       Call a good friend and have a chat.
•       Use this time to go to the gym or to do your workout.

When you take care of your own needs, you take better care of those who rely on you. 30-60 minutes once a week, or 15 minutes built into the end of every day is all it takes to enable you to cope with the demands placed on you later. When you go home to others, whether they be grown ups or little people, it’s understandable that they usually can’t wait to see you. From experience, you know that the moment you walk in the door it means that you are fully on duty. The phone is liable to ring, a crisis might need to be diverted, someone is hungry – you know the drill, there is no break unless you create one, before you arrive home.

It works better to take the time privately, without fuss, rather than having to justify, defend, negotiate or compete. It’s not about deciding which one of you deserves a break the most. Pick a suitable and reasonable time to arrive home and when you do turn up, be fully present without your invisibility cloak. It’s a lot kinder than avoiding, withdrawing, making excuses, or being grumpy, just to create time out.